How do you use the gap and the gain to your advantage? In the pursuit of personal and professional growth, many people fall into the trap of constantly measuring themselves against an idealized version of who they want to be or what they want to achieve. This mindset can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and burnout. I know this to be true, as I spent much of my life comparing myself to where I wanted to be and underappreciating how far I had come. A few years back, I started changing my mindset when a mentor said, “Success isn’t only built on how far you go but instead on how far you’ve come.”

Recently, I stumbled across a book by Dr. Benjamin Hardy and strategic coach Dan Sullivan, The Gap and the Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success, and I was thrilled to explore this concept further. They crystallized the advice I was given years ago, and by embracing it further, I’ve made a powerful shift that has allowed me to feel more joy in my achievements and to look at my shortfalls and failures as learning opportunities.

In this week’s episode of Reflect Forward, I will share the details of how the Gap and the Gain work so that you, too, can positively shift how you view your progress and success.

What is the Gap?

The “Gap” refers to the psychological space where we compare our current selves, achievements, and circumstances to an idealized vision of where we think we should be. This ideal is often based on unrealistic expectations or external influences, such as societal standards, peer comparisons, or perfectionist tendencies. Living in the Gap means focusing on the distance between where we are and where we want to be, leading to dissatisfaction, anxiety, and self-criticism.

Example 1: Personal Achievement Consider someone who aims to lose 20 pounds. If they lose 10 pounds but only focus on the remaining 10, they are in the Gap. Despite making significant progress, their attention is fixated on what they haven’t yet accomplished, leading to frustration and a sense of failure.

Example 2: Leadership Goals Imagine a leader who has set a goal to improve team morale and increase employee engagement scores by 20% within a year. After six months of effort, the engagement scores have improved by 10%, but the leader is still dissatisfied because they haven’t reached the full 20%. Living in the Gap, they might feel frustrated, focusing on the gap between the current results and the ultimate goal. This can lead to discouragement and a sense that they are not doing enough, even though the team has made significant strides.

What is the Gain?

In contrast, the “Gain” mindset measures our progress based on where we started rather than where we have yet to reach. Living in the Gain mindset means acknowledging and celebrating our improvements, no matter how small. It shifts the focus from what’s missing to what’s been achieved, fostering a sense of satisfaction, motivation, and gratitude.

Example 1: Personal Achievement Using the same weight loss example, if the individual focuses on the fact that they’ve lost 10 pounds, appreciating the effort and discipline that went into it, they are living in the Gain. This perspective boosts morale and increases the likelihood of continued success.

Example 2: Leadership Goals Returning to the leader who aimed to improve team morale and engagement, they are living in the Gain if they focus on the 10% increase achieved so far. They recognize the positive changes that have already occurred, such as improved communication, higher team participation, or the successful implementation of new initiatives. This mindset allows the leader to appreciate the progress made, boosting their confidence and encouraging them to continue working toward the final goal.

How to Get Out of the Gap and Live in the Gain

1. Recognize the Gap Mindset: The first step in shifting from the Gap to the Gain is awareness. Notice when you’re focusing on what you lack or ow far left you have to go. Pay attention to your thoughts and language—are you constantly thinking about what you haven’t achieved, or are you grateful for your progress?
2. Measure Backward, Not Forward: Instead of measuring your success by how close you are to your ideal, measure it by how far you’ve come from where you started. Reflect on your achievements, growth, and lessons learned. This backward measurement creates a positive feedback loop, reinforcing the Gain mindset.
3. Set Realistic Expectations: It’s important to set challenging yet attainable goals. Unrealistic expectations can set you up for failure and push you into the Gap. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate each milestone.
4. Practice Gratitude: Gratitude is a powerful tool for staying in the Gain. Regularly reflect on what you’ve accomplished, learned, and experienced. Keeping a gratitude journal can help reinforce this habit and shift your focus to the positive aspects of your journey.
5. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences: The people you surround yourself with can influence your mindset. Engage with individuals who support your growth, celebrate your achievements, and encourage you to focus on your progress. Avoid those who constantly compare or criticize.
6. Reframe Challenges as Opportunities: When you encounter setbacks or obstacles, try to view them as opportunities for growth rather than failures. This reframing helps you stay in the Gain by focusing on the learning and development that come from challenges.
7. Celebrate Small Wins: Don’t wait for the “big” achievements to celebrate. Acknowledge and reward yourself for small victories along the way. This practice not only keeps you motivated but also reinforces the Gain mindset by highlighting your continuous progress.
8. Stay Present: The Gap often stems from being overly future-focused. While goals are important, staying grounded in the present allows you to appreciate the here and now. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing, can help you stay present and connected to your current achievements.

Conclusion

The Gap and the Gain is a transformative concept that can help you shift from a mindset of scarcity and dissatisfaction to one of abundance and fulfillment. Focusing on your progress rather than your shortcomings can cultivate a sense of gratitude, motivation, and sustained success. Remember, life is a journey, and every step forward is a step worth celebrating. By living in the Gain, you empower yourself to enjoy the process of growth and achieve your goals with greater ease and joy.

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